Free Will Offering & Good Vibrations.

Free Will Offering

Borrowing a page from Penn and Teller, I made an arbitrary promise this weekend. I tossed a water bottle cap back and forth in my hands and told my conversation partner that, "...to make a point, I'm going to continue to do this until you say a certain word. I'm not going to tell you what that word is."

"So what point is this supposed to make?", she asked.

I dropped the cap on the table in front of me. "The word, was 'point'.", I said. "The point is, that in making an arbitrary promise to do something I wouldn't normally spend time doing, I am proving that I have free will. The only person that can really control me or my life is myself. So... in order for God to want me to 'suffer', I have to allow that. I don't."

Powerful thoughts, requiring an explanation. And so I will provide it.

The conversation was centered on, 'Would a kind and loving God want the people that he created to suffer?' Her answer, if I recall correctly, was undecided. My answer was, what God wants is irrelevant. I do what I want. If I choose not to suffer, I don't have to. Terminal illness (cancer) was supplied as an example. It is something that is essentially out of our control. We don't make the free will choice to get cancer, however, we can choose whether or not to suffer because of it. "There are people with cancer who suffer a lot less than people with completely normal lives. They just deal with life better.", she said. All too true.

Suffering is a state of mind. It need not be a constant state of mind. We can work through our pain and difficulties, and come out with our heads held high. We need not suffer.

This, of course, does nothing to discourage the fundie-base, who like to take the opportunity to preach in the wake of suffering. "It is God's will that we suffer.", they like to say. Then they advocate a deeper faith in God in order to redeem ourselves. As if faith in the God that caused the suffering in the first place, is the way out of suffering. It becomes a circle: God causes me to suffer, so I must place my faith in God that he will eventually relieve me of my suffering. God, I must then observe, is either wildly indecisive, or irredeemably capricious. I prefer the former, but neither is a trait a god of any kind should possess.

So the next time someone tells you that it's 'God's will' that there is suffering, remember that there exists a will that is stronger than God's. It's your own.

There... that ought to get some hate mail... :-)


Good Vibrations.

In another conversation I had recently, I was asked about ghosts.

It was not too long ago, maybe about 7 years or so, that I was a fervent believer in ghosts, spirits, and assorted paranormal events. I thought I was clairvoyant. I heard things, felt things, saw things... It was an interesting time. Then I started looking at it from a more skeptical point of view. I started finding explanations for the things I was seeing. Explanations that had no paranormal substance at all. I remember the turning point being waking up at night and thinking I had someone/something in the room with me. I turned and saw a red, dancing light, just a few feet from the bed. I watched it for a while, and tried speaking to it. It seemed to react to my voice, but whenever I stopped, it considerably slowed it's movement. I laid back down for a bit, and looked again. It was still there, so I sat up. It immediately disappeared.

I started to wonder if I was seeing a reflection off of something. The room was dark, and there was little outside light coming in. I watched my little red friend for a few minutes more. The harder I stared, the less it moved. If I just kind of casually kept an eye on it, it would dance around, looking happy. Then, in a move I was not expecting myself to make, I attempted to grab it.

The pain I felt in my fingers was nothing compared to the wound in my pride, as the middle two fingers on my right hand slammed into the shiny metal legs of the office chair, returning with nothing. Startled by this, I fell out of bed. Luckily, at the time, the fall was only a few inches. It was then that I finally noticed the little red LED on the power strip under my desk. Shiny chair leg... red LED... I covered the LED and the reflection in the chair leg, predictably, disappeared. It took my ego with it.

I laid in bed for a long time, wide awake and feeling really, really stupid. I started recounting past experiences, and wondering how much of what I thought I knew was really something else. How much info can be generated by my own mind? What other LEDs had I missed?

One experience I had freaked me out for a long time. I hadn't thought about it much until today. I now think I have an explanation for it.

This was on campus at the university I was attending at the time. The old 'Dean's House' was being remodeled and had been mostly gutted. Despite admonitions, I decided to check it out. I was very observant of all the 'Danger: Keep Out' signs I passed on the way in. There were rumors that things far more dangerous than construction debris were in the house, after all. An accomplished clairvoyant like me should be able to find something in there, right? A little 'liquid courage' (yes, alcohol) completed the formula, and I was on my way in.

I stepped inside the front door. That was as far as I got I immediately felt an invisible hand slap me in the chest, a cold wind blow across my face, and a deep, rumbling voice, whispering, "Out." That was all the invitation I needed.

Well, not too many years on, I discovered that I could crack the bones in my chest, much in the same way that I can crack my knuckles. That could account for the popping in my chest that I felt. I was leaning in the doorway in a way that would have accomplished that. The cold wind could have been any number of drafts in an empty, gutted house. That voice still spooked me, however, and I won't soon forget the sound it made. It was completely creepy.

Even though I won't forget it, I may now be able to explain it. I had heard the term 'infrasound' before, but never really paid it much attention. I do now. This would completely explain
the voice. You see, there was a large amount of construction equipment on site, including air handlers and such. One of the A/C units starting up would easily explain both the cold air, and the low sound, not to mention the creepy feeling. The aircon here makes a sound like someone saying 'out' when it starts up. Though it's a bit more annoying than that. Needs a new belt, I think.

So having finally found a reasonable explanation for a strange event, I'm content to settle back into my real-world life again, fearing nothing except myself, which is plenty enough for everyone.

In Buddhism, we learn that it is much better to be grateful for what you have than to want after things you don't. "Better to want what you get, than to get what you want." I'm often reminded of that when someone asks me if I would be happier believing in paranormal things. Or when someone says, 'wouldn't it be cool if...'. No thanks. I think our universe is far cooler than we'll ever know as it is. I just can't imaging that there's anything 'missing' when I think of spooks and spirits. They're fun, imaginative ideas to play with, but there's just no convincing evidence for them.

I like the world I have. I'll keep it.

Thanks.

-D.